Happy Monday! Todays post is going to be a little different because it’s not really planned out or includes some big life lesson or story. Instead, I wanted to take a moment and just keep things casual and have a chat on why I’ve been inconsistent here and across all social media platforms. I’ve talked about why I’ve taken breaks before and I try not to talk about it frequently because I don’t want to sound whiny or annoy you guys. But, lately I’ve been getting in my head and wanted to talk through it. I recently shared a post on “Why I No Longer Feel The Need To Prove Myself” and it felt so freeing to publish it and you guys really responded well to it so today I wanted to talk about dealing with the pressures of blogging.
I haven’t posted on Instagram in about a month! A whole month. And here on my blog, I’ve taken several weeks off and even weeks I do post, it’s been about 1 to 2 posts a week. I actually feel really guilty when I’m not consistent because I feel like I’m not only letting you guys down, but also letting myself down. I used to love blogging. When I started my site, it didn’t matter how tired I was or how early I had to get up, I would always finish a blog post to make sure I had three posts up a week.
When I started my previous job, that all changed. I keep saying I want to write about why I quit my previous job and how badly it messed me up. I thought I was over it and I thought I was ready, but the reality is, I’m not. But, what I will say is that my hours were so crazy and I was tired all of the freaking time. While I worked there, I wasn’t able to keep up with my blog. I felt like I was being pulled away from my passion. So many of the people I started with and who had the same stats as me, learned more and grew and moved on and I stayed behind. When I left that job, I dealt with so much that my site still suffered. Even now, I have a pretty stable job and my life is significantly better than what it used to be, but I’m still standing in my way and can’t seem to get out of my head. So instead of letting it get the best of me like I have been, I’m trying to address it head on. Basically those inspirational posts that my fellow bloggers write about, on things to ignore and just be you, yeah I let all of those things get to me.
A Numbers Game
Blogging has become such a numbers game. From Instagram to page views to how much your fee is, it’s all about numbers. The Instagram algorithm sucks, I lose followers daily, my likes are a joke since no one sees my pics. I’m just clearly not winning in the numbers game. To be honest and to be really blunt, it’s frustrating to see others complain about this as well, preach about not caring about numbers, telling you that you shouldn’t either and then turning around and do the opposite of everything they just said and stress over numbers.
I think one of my biggest weaknesses is that I’m all about instant gratification. I wanna do something and see immediate results. Like going to the gym for example, I wanna go once and be skinny when I walk out. Obviously life doesn’t work that way. I actually used to love Instagram. Even when people started to hate it, I just loved creating content and planning out my feed.
But, one of the reasons I stopped posted was because I felt as if I was the only one suffering. So many other people were saying they were struggling, but getting 500+ likes and meanwhile I was barely breaking 100. The sad thing is, I wasn’t only upset that I was working hard on creating content only to see no results, but instead what other people thought. I follow people I went to school with who don’t have blogs and easily get 200+ likes and meanwhile I was getting 20. It’s one thing to feel like a failure, but it’s another thing to have something out there to show your failure.
Comparing Yourself to Others
I’m a member of a blog support group on Facebook. While there’s some great information in there to utilize, I’ll be honest, a lot of times scrolling through it makes me feel so unmotivated. The funny thing is, I follow a lot of Youtube beauty influencers and whenever I see people bashing them for being successful and having money, I always think to myself, why hate them? why not let that inspire you? And yet, I’m part of this group where people talk about instagram numbers and who’s working with what brand and who is charging what or got invited to what and I feel as if I’m not doing anything and immediately feel uninspired. It truly makes me feel like a loser.
The reality is, I didn’t start my blog to make money, to get famous or even to work with brands. I started it because I wanted to share my outfits and I wanted a platform I could solely control since working in fashion was so stressful. I’ve been doing this for 3 years now and while my goals have changed and evolved, the reality is, I’m not quite at that point yet where I want my blog to be a business and I feel like because everyone else is, that I need to as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or hateful towards anyone, but I constantly get in my head and ask myself why aren’t I doing that? Am I not good enough?
Feeling Like I’m Not Good Enough
Which brings me to my next point, I constantly feel as if I’m not good enough. Whether it be my photos, my content, my influence, I just get inside my head. Blogging has such a big business & entrepreneur side to it. There is so much more that goes into it other than taking photos and I’m still learning what to do and how to do it. When I did my first sponsored campaign and had to manage the behind the scenes stuff, I panicked. I seriously thought to my self, omg I’m not smart enough to figure this out, I don’t understand half of what this means!
The reality is, this industry is really about learning from your mistakes and growing from it. Even thought I know it, I’m still learning how to do that. Honestly, working with and pitching brands is like applying to college all over again and learning how to bounce back from rejection. I know I need to keep pushing forward, but sometimes I just wanna curl up in a ball, cry and stay under my covers.
Not Being Able To Keep Up
So many of the people I follow are constantly posting new items. Like I honestly don’t recall anyone restyling anything in their wardrobe. There have been times that I didn’t post because I didn’t have anything new to wear. Such a first world problem I know, but it’s something that gets to me. After blogging for 3 years, I’ve used every restyling trick in the book to stretch my wardrobe out. I’m not saying I’m the only person that has bills or responsibilities, but I’m just not able to buy all these clothes and shoes and accessories and makeup. Not too mention, pay for all these services and tools that will help me be a better blogger. As much as I would like to and I think it would be helpful, I’m just not able to and again I feel kind of left behind because of it.
With that being said,
I recently listened to a podcast that basically said, if you have a passion, but feeling discouraged, you need to get back to basics and revisit why you started doing what you love. I struggled writing this post to be honest. I didn’t want to sound like a quitter or like I was complaining. Multiple times, I thought about deleting this and writing a more light hearted post, but I had to get it out there. I thought about writing a positive antidote at the end of each point, but I wanted to keep this post real and frankly I don’t have anything figured out so no need for me to throw a positive spin and some advice on something when I don’t believe in it.
What I will say is, I’ve been inconsistent recently because of the pressures and ideas I created in my own head. Bloggers around me have created amazing businesses and goals and I’ve made their dreams mine because I felt like I needed to. The truth is, I don’t make much of an income from this site, I don’t have brands banging my door down and I don’t get invited to many events and that’s okay. I genuinely love sharing outfits, even if they aren’t new and instead restyled pieces and writing posts. I love creating content and I’m going to go back to just creating content and not caring about the business side because right now that’s not my main goal and I’m tired of letting someone else’s idea of blogging or someone else’s dreams stand in the way of my passion.
I have a full lineup of posts planned for the week that I’m excited to share and I hope today’s post wasn’t too heavy and you’ll revisit on Wednesday. Don’t worry, it’s about skincare so it won’t be this deep! And if you’re reading this and wanting to hit me on the side of my head with a flip flop because I am the only person standing in my own way, permission is granted.
Have a great week everyone! I’m excited because I have this Friday off so it’s going to be a wonderful 4 day long weekend!